50 Deep Questions for Couples to Keep Your Connection Strong

How well do you think you know your partner? Maybe you *just* exited the talking stage, so you know their favorite cocktail but not their family history—or you’ve been exclusive for years and could recite their daily routine from memory. Whether you’ve been dating for a few months or you’ve been married forever, it’s never too late to reignite the spark in your relationship by playing a question game together. While the actual questions can be lighthearted and fun, throwing in a few deep questions for couples can help you get to know your partner on a more intimate level.

“Human beings are ever-evolving, despite how well we believe we know them,” says Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C, a licensed mental health counselor and Forbes Health Advisor based in New York. “It’s important to allow your partner to surprise you with new parts of them as you grow together—and to be curious about those parts.”

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If you’re in a long-term relationship, asking deep questions can also help you keep the spark alive, Verhulst says. “Quite often, I hear people say things like, ‘When the sex life dies in a relationship, that’s when you know you’re in trouble’—which isn’t always accurate,” Verhulst says. “I’ve seen more damage done when the curiosity begins to die,” she says.

Sure, it may be a little intimidating to get all deep and vulnerable with someone, but having the comfort and safe space to do so is one of the best parts of being in a relationship. Asking each other questions can make for a cute date night for couples at any stage—plus, if you’re on the fence about Josh from Hinge, hearing their responses to deep questions may help you gauge if the situationship is worth it or not. You can ask different types of questions depending on your relationship timeline, but feel free to mix things up.

Here’s a list of 53 deep questions for couples to ask each other based on your relationship stage.

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Deep Questions for New Couples

If you’re in the early stages of dating, Verhulst says it’s the perfect time to ask questions that will help you set a strong foundation for the future. “Asking about their previous relational experiences and patterns can be valuable in developing a deeper understanding of the person and what to expect,” she explains. “This stage can also feel mysterious and sexy, which is a great opportunity to ask more playful questions about their hobbies and sexual preferences.”

  • What was your dream job when you were younger?
  • What did you like most about where you grew up?
  • What did you like the least?
  • What’s your relationship with your family like?
  • Have you ever been in love before?
  • How would your best friend describe you?
  • Who is someone in your life that you admire?
  • What is your love language?
  • What do you think is your best quality?
  • Do you believe in soulmates or twin flames?
  • What’s something people would be surprised to know about you?
  • What’s a goal you’d like to accomplish someday?
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    Deep Questions for Long-Term Couples

    “For couples who are dating long term, the future of the relationship has likely come up for one or more partners in a significant way—whether that be financial planning, family planning, marriage, or living arrangements,” Verhulst says. If you’ve been dating someone for a while, it may be a good time to consider asking the “hard” questions about your partner’s needs and expectations, she says.

  • What’s your favorite thing about our relationship?
  • What would you like to change about it?
  • What’s something new you’d like to try together?
  • When is the closest you’ve ever felt to me?
  • Where would you want to live someday, and why?
  • How do you feel about living with someone?
  • What would your expectations be if we lived together?
  • How do you feel about getting married?
  • Have you ever thought about having a family someday?
  • Are there any chores you love or hate?
  • How do you feel about splitting and/or combining our finances?
  • What’s something you’re afraid to tell me?
  • What are your job or career goals for the next year?
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    Deep Questions for Newlyweds

    While the newlywed stage can feel magical for many people, the “honeymoon blues” is a real thing, too, Verhulst says. To ensure that this time in your life stays fun and exciting, she suggests asking deep questions that will allow you to connect emotionally, set a positive tone for the future, and get any thoughts or hesitations out there. “Ask your SO questions that address your concerns, such as, ‘How do you feel you are adjusting to newlywed life?’” she says.

  • Which part of our wedding (or engagement) would you re-live, and why?
  • What’s your favorite memory of our early dating days?
  • What part of married life are you most excited about?
  • Is there any part of married life you’re nervous about?
  • How do you feel like you’re adjusting to newlywed life?
  • Is there anything we can do to make it easier?
  • What do you want life to look like five years from now?
  • What traditions do you think are important for us to have?
  • What’s a daily routine or ritual we have that you’d like to continue in marriage?
  • How will we keep our sex life exciting and fun?
  • Who is a married couple that you admire and why?
  • If we have a family, what are some values you want to instill in our kids?
  • What’s the best marriage advice you’ve ever received?
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    Deep Questions If You’ve Been Married Forever

    If you’ve been married for a long time, Verhulst recommends asking questions that will remind you of your commitment to each other. “Your relationship may benefit from reminding your partner that you are still interested in ‘their world’ by asking questions about their day-to-day life,” she says, especially if you’re both busy and struggle to find time to connect. The questions don’t have to be mundane, though—explore topics that will help you both get excited about the future, too!

  • What’s a song or playlist that reminds you of our relationship?
  • What do you love about our life together?
  • What’s an accomplishment you’re most proud of?
  • Do you feel fulfilled by your work lately?
  • What is your favorite way to receive love these days?
  • What’s your favorite experience we had together this year?
  • If we retired tomorrow, what would you want to do together?
  • What are your favorite memories with our children and/or families?
  • What does a happy marriage look like for us in this stage of life?
  • Is there a way I could be showing up for you better?
  • Are there any bad habits we have as a couple that you want to move away from?
  • Are there any good habits that we should continue?
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    Tianna Soto is a writer, editor, and professional wellness speaker based in New York City. Previously, she was a contributing editor on the dating team at Elite Daily and an associate editor at Her Campus Media. When she’s not writing, you can find her traveling, singing, and speaking with college audiences about mental health. You can connect with her on Instagram and Twitter.

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