Let's start with a simple learning moment about something you probably didn't realize: You, yes you, fall under the allosexual umbrella if you have ever felt even the slightest hint of sexual attraction to someone or something.
Director of the Gender and Sexuality Center at Brandeis University Julián Cancino confirms: “In the sexuality spectrum, allosexual is the identity of people who do experience sexual attraction."
The term actually originated from the asexual community, aka those who do not experience sexual attraction. "They created the term ‘allosexual’ to call attention to the power and privilege dynamics of attraction," Cancino adds. In other words, identifying as allosexual is a a privileged identity since sexual attraction is assumed to be "the norm."
THE DIFFERENCE AMONG ALLOSEXUAL, PANSEXUAL, AESEXUAL, AND DEMISEXUAL
Because allosexual simply means you’re a person who experiences sexual attraction with no specific definition for who you feel attraction toward, pansexual is a term that could fall under the larger umbrella of allosexuality.
While allosexual and pansexual people both experience sexual attraction, Cancino says “pansexual people can experience attraction toward people regardless of their gender identity or sex. For pansexual folks, neither gender nor sex determine attraction." In other words, pansexual people can be attracted to many gender identities like male, female, two spirit, transgender, gender nonconforming, intersex, and more. Allosexual people experience any type of sexual attraction.
The difference between allosexual and asexual is pretty straightforward in that allosexual people do experience sexual attraction, while asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction. “Of course, in real life, it’s much more complex,” Cancino notes. “But the key takeaway is that, for the asexual community, attraction can be emotional, romantic, or just a tiny bit sexual. The unifying experience for the asexual community is that sex is not the center of intimacy.”
The term demisexual more closely relates to the concept of asexuality, says Cancino. “Demisexual people experience sexual attraction only after forming a close emotional bond,” he explains. “For this reason, many demisexual folks also identify as ‘greysexual’ because their attraction is not conforming to the privileged identity of allosexuality.”
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WHAT IDENTIFYING AS ALLOSEXUAL LOOKS LIKE
There’s no one way for an allosexual person to look. “Allosexual people are of all races, nationalities, religions, sexes, ages, and abilities,” explains Cancino.
Instead, let’s focus on what identifying as allosexual doesn’t look like. Cancino makes it clear that being allosexual doesn’t equate to being down for whatever sexually. “Just because allosexual people experience sexual attraction, it doesn’t mean they agree to all sexual activities,” notes Cancino. “It’s important to discuss consent to make sure any activity respects everyone’s needs and boundaries. Remember, if you have consented to something in the past, you can always change your mind. Only ‘yes' means ‘yes,’ and it should be enthusiastic. If anyone hasn’t given a verbal or non-verbal ‘yes!’ then stop and check in.”
HOW TO SUPPORT FRIENDS OR PARTNERS WHO DO NOT EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ATTRACTION
Cancino suggests two ways to support your non-allosexual friends or partners, since it is a privilege to experience attraction at all:
- Brush up on some educational resources. "As a privileged identity, allosexual people can help normalize sexuality in all forms, including asexuality. Share educational resources on power and privilege," Cancino says.
- Be open to identities and sexual orientations: “Understanding that sexuality is fluid, friends and partners can be supportive and ‘come along’ when a person’s identity shifts from allosexual to demisexual or allosexual to asexual. Our identities are an important process of self-discovery at all stages of our lives.”
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Candice is a dating expert and the author Just Send The Text, out Feb. 2, 2021, which she likes to think of as a 70,000-word-long reminder to be yourself. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @candicejalili.
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