As far as getting inked goes, a penis tattoo is a pretty brave choice. It's also not an area of the body you'd necessarily think could be tattooed, but alas, such is the modern world whereby practically any part of our bodies can be pierced, stretched or adorned with a design of your choice.

But chances are, if you're reading this, you're now solely fixated on the idea of tattooed penises, and have a string of questions about the whole entire concept. So we may as well share this incredibly ouch-sounding nugget of information we've unearthed on the topic with you. And... guess what?

For a penis tattoo to be completed, said aforementioned penis is apparently stretched over a spoon in order for the art to take place. Are you squirming a bit? Or just feeling a bit queasy?

One thing's for certain: it sounds incredibly, painful. Not least because tattoos hurt anyway, but also because our expert explained that it involves a spatula too and - as we all know - willies are very tender. Argh...

How do the experts do a penis tattoo?

Back in 2016, tattoo artist Sketch from TV programme Tattoo Fixers explained how you actually go about inking a bloke's privates. "I've tattooed cocks but I haven't actually drawn a cock on anyone. You wouldn't believe what people have on there," he revealed.

"Normally, if you get a spoon or a wooden spatula and put it under [the penis], then bend the dick over it, it stretches right over. You do need to stretch the skin or the needle will keep catching it. We get the privilege of stretching it."

"The ball must kill," he mused. "I've never tattooed ball-sack. It would be atrocious. You must have to stretch it right out."

One word: Blimey.

Speaking about people who have willies tattoos on them, Jay added: "I can't get over how many lads have cocks tattooed on them. I just couldn't understand it. I've never [tattooed a cock on someone]. I actually wouldn't."

Well, now we know all about the wonders of how to get a penis tattoo... we've heard enough. We think we'll stick to cute Y2K Ariana Grande-style butterflies on our forearms, thanks.

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Dusty Baxter-Wright is an award-winning journalist and the Entertainment and Lifestyle Director at Cosmopolitan, having previously worked at Sugarscape. She was named one of PPA’s 30 Under 30 for her work covering pop culture, careers, interiors and travel, and oversees the site’s Entertainment and Lifestyle strategy across print, digital and video. As a journalist for the best part of a decade, she has interviewed everyone from Louis Theroux and Channing Tatum to Margot Robbie and Ncuti Gatwa, while she has also spoken on Times Radio and BBC Radio. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram here.

Sophie Williams is a Freelance Journalist and Copywriter, covering everything from Fashion to Entertainment to music, Lifestyle and Features. She has interviewed a range of musical artists and authors including Alyssa Edwards, Courtney Barnett, Confidence Man, The Vaccines, Loyle Carner, Gabrielle, and John Niven, and has written for publications like Metro, Reader's Digest, ITV's Woo! and Vice’s NBGA. She is also working on a book for HarperCollins about Taylor Swift, due to be published in 2024.  

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