When you hear of “fingering” you probably think of the act of inserting one or more fingers into a person’s vagina, but the actual act of fingering refers to using fingers externally to stimulate the clitoris to orgasm. It’s an important distinction as just inserting fingers towards the goal of orgasm would be significantly harder, as most women need clitoral aka external stimulation, to orgasm.
Fingering also isn’t just something those with vaginas can receive! Anal fingering is very much a thing as well, whether you have a prostate or not.
How To:
The best way to finger someone is to stop pretending your fingers are a penis, says C. Amina Peterson, tantric sex and intimacy coach at the Atlanta Institute of Tantra & Divine Sexuality. “The best part of the finger is dexterity,” Peterson explains, “This makes them able to do so many things a penis can’t do.” Not to mention, mimicking heterosexual sex is limiting to our sexual experiences, Peterson adds.
To finger someone, first learn the anatomy of the vulva, says Peterson. Thinking of fingering as more about the clitoral and external stimulation instead of going straight for inside the vaginal canal can be much more pleasurable. “Take some time to get to know the entirety of the genital region, slowly introducing your fingers to every inch of it,” says Peterson.
You’ll also want to trim your nails, for both practicality and comfort’s sake (cuts on the inside of your vagina...no.)
As the giver, Peterson also adds, you can also take this time to appreciate the variation of textures you feel externally and internally on your partner. Not only does taking in everything lead to some super hot teasing foreplay, it’s also pleasurable for the receiver.
And when it comes to anal fingering, Peterson recommends gently massaging the anal opening first for a while, in order to relax the muscles of the anus for an overall more pleasurable experience.
Should you want to up your fingering game even further, Peterson recommends using a rubber band to strengthen your fingers. Amazon also sells a bunch of finger-stretchers to help with dexterity that you can invest in, if a plain ol’ rubber band just isn’t as glam to you.
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You’ll also want to use some lube and experiment with speed, adds Casey Calvert, a porn star and the BDSM and fetish expert for GameLink, recommends using lube and experimenting with the speed, depth, and number of fingers. Fingering can be a nice warm-up before intercourse to get lubrication going. Although popular in foreplay, it can also be a complete sex act by itself. Calvert’s no. 1 rule, however, is to remember to trim your fingernails first. “No one wants fingernails snagging inside them,” she says.
Some practical advice: Don’t just jackhammer her with your finger. Alternate between inserting your finger inside her, and caressing her clit and vulva. Use gentle, circular motions on her clitoris or lightly tap with your finger. Internally, you can try a beckoning, "come hither" motion with your finger. And just because this is a vagina-centric act doesn’t mean you can’t involve other parts. Use your free hand to massage her breasts and thighs to intensify the sensation! And of course in fingering, like all sexual acts, ask for directions. The best way to find out if your partner is digging your moves is to simply ask.
For more specific tips on how to finger a woman, Cosmopolitan.com has a complete guide here.
Variations:
Anal fingering is another fun thing your digits can do, should you be so inclined. Many of the same basics above still apply, i.e. trim your damn fingernails. It is doubly important to use lube during anal fingering, since the booty hole does not create its own lubrication the way a vagina does. Start by applying gentle pressure to the outer area of the asshole. Then, you can slowly (So. Slowly.) insert a finger inside. No need to shove it the whole way in! You can experiment with inserting and removing it in succession, or wiggling it around inside. Communicate throughout so you can both be aware of what's working and what's not.
Related Terms:
Fingering in Popular Culture:
And the award for most unforgettable fingering scene involving a roller coaster and teenage Reese Witherspoon and Marky Mark goes to … the movie Fear! Even if you’re not super into Mark Wahlberg or fingering, this clip is a classic.
Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.
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