Have you ever been on a date where the conversation is flowing, the flirting is hot and heavy, so you head back to their place…aaaand they go completely silent on you in the bedroom? I have, and I hate it. When someone I’m locking lips with gets tongue tied, it’s extremely difficult for me to climax, making me wonder: Is the silence killing me my libido?
Turns out that yes, actually, it is, because I, like more people than may realize it themselves, am an auralist! “Auralism is a valid sexual fetish defined as arousal from sound,” says psychotherapist Dr. Lee Phillips, a certified sex and couples therapist. “This can be the sounds that are made during sexual activity, such as moans and groans, or even the sounds of wetness that sex creates.”
But is it just the typical sighs of pleasure getting us auralists off, or can it also be the sexy song playing in the background? The rustle of the sheets? The satisfying smack of a welcome hand on your ass? According to Phillips, all of the above—arousing “sounds can include dirty talk, audio erotica, even imagining a partner’s voice,” and beyond, he says.
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Interest piqued? Thought so. Here's your everything-to-know-guide to auralism, including what it is and how to practice it IRL. Thank me later.
So, What Actually *Is* Auralism?
Like any fetish, there are many flavors and sub-genres to auralism. People with this kink can be turned on by almost anything that’s not silence—from porn to playlists, and even by ASMR audio or plain old heavy breathing. In my case, I love a good dirty talker, but as long as my playmate can emit some sort of noise while taking me downtown (groans, grunts, and growls welcome), we’ll be okay. TLDR: If I can hear a pin drop, I won’t let my panties drop.
Think you might have a thing for sound waves too? Here are eight ways to explore auralism and enhance your arousal.
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How to Explore Auralism
1. Find (or create!) audio porn that titillates you.
This is probably the most obviously auralist technique there is, and for good reason: it works. Audio porn sales have soared since the pandemic began, and now we have many apps to choose from, searchable by fetish, kink, gender, and sexuality. There’s Dipsea for short-story audioporn, Emjoy if you want your spicy stories with a side of arousal lessons from sex therapists, Quinn where you can hear famous people read smut, and dozens more.
But if you’re not feeling frisky from the voices of strangers, why not have your partner record you a voice memo of a dirty tale? (Might I suggest one of my own Confessays?!) Or, see if you can self-stimulate by recording your sexy thoughts and fantasies. Either way, you’ll have a steamy soundbite you can play whenever the mood strikes.
2. Call your partner and mutually masturbate with headphones on (aka, good ol’ phone sex).
Think it’s fun having your lover put parts of their body in your body? Imagine their voice beaming through your brain while you touch yourself. Slap on your favorite headphones so you can be hands-free and call for a good time. “Although it may feel silly to moan without a partner [physically present], engaging in both the release of the sound, highlighting the pleasure, and hearing the sound can be quite arousing,” explains kink educator Emerson Karsh.
Hearing your partner’s heavy breathing from ear to ear may be just the thing to take you over the edge, and they certainly won’t mind listening to your…feedback. This can be a fun way to switch things up (long-distance or otherwise), and may elicit new sides of your sensuality by removing the visual representation of your lover that you’re likely used to. Just tell them to take it from Soulja Boy and kiss you through the phone.
And when you want some actually-solo solo-play, Karsh says don't be afraid to moan, as you can absolutely get off (alone) to your own sounds.
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3. Listen to guided masturbation meditations.
Sometimes audioporn can be over-stimulating, so if you’d like to tickle your ears and remain a bit more grounded, try out guided meditation masturbation. In meditative masturbation, a practitioner (usually recorded), speaks directly to listeners, giving them physical cues to follow and mental visualizations to imagine while they self-stimulate. Sociologist and sexologist Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus has some lovely (and free!) starter meditations if you’re ready to try a zen climax on for size. Some have specific themes or bits of storytelling weaved between the “inhale and exhale”s, others are more technical and efficiency-focused. All you have to do is take your pick, sit back, and follow along.
4. Communicate about your auralism kink to your lovers.
“There are lots of ways to explore auralism, and the best way is to go slowly, be safe, and communicate with your partner your wants, needs, and desires," says Karsh. Listen, everyone’s doing their best, but no one knows exactly what you want between the sheets unless you tell them. So if you find sound stimulating, communicate that to your lovers (who, hello, want to please you!). You can even go so far as to feed them the very lines you want to hear said back to you in dirty talk. Plus, you’ll probably get off on the sound of your own voice talking about your kink!
5. Get sloppy and loud with your lube.
WAP. Need I say more? Covering your bod(s) all over (not just the private bits) with lube makes for a sensual soundtrack, while amplifying your touch, too. “The sound of lube can be arousing—think of the wetness of pasta being stirred in a pot,” Phillips adds. A silicone-based lube will last longer than any water- or oil- based ones. Just be careful if you’re going full Nuru massage and put some towels or a waterproof blanket down first!
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6. Make music with your body.
Words can be hard when your blood rushes south, so try to make music with your bodies instead. Get into the percussive beat of spanking (consensually, of course!). Hum into your partner’s nether regions when you’re going down on them. Or kiss them up and down, really letting your lips smack against their skin. Rhythm goes a long way when you’re getting horizontal, and our bodies are capable of making so many enticing sounds.
7. Drown out all other noises.
Set the scene for your sound sex-ploration by ridding your space of as much excess noise as possible. If you’re in a city or loud building, you might like to try a white noise machine, or even a white noise track on Spotify. Turn off the TV, silence your phone, and give yourself the best surroundings possible to really hear your sex. Wanna take it to the tippy top? Blindfold yourself or your partner(s) to enhance your focus on the sound.
8. Be a screamer.
Even if—correction, especially if—you’ve never been very vocal during play, experiment with being loud and proud. Scream into the pillow, growl at your partner, enunciate your moans, and enjoy the freedom of fully expressing your rapture aloud. There’s no need to sound any certain way, just emit the natural noises of your pleasure, and see how aroused you are by your own voice. According to a 2021 study of over 400 women, women, “Both the frequency and intensity of sexual vocalizations [are] significantly and positively associated with sexual arousal.” In other words, the sound of yourself getting turned on, can make you more turned on. You’re welcome!
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GG Sauvage is a writer and all-around artist on a mission to f*ck shame away and empower people with self-love. She designed The Sexiest Deck Alive: Erotic Oracle Cards to Turn You On & Help You Turn the Corner, co-hosts the Basic Witches podcast, and wrote the audio drama Sex and the Synchronicity. See her work at Refinery29, Vogue Italia, Vulture, CollegeHumor, and WhoHaHa, and check out her website for more!
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